The great thing about rituals and spells is that there is a great deal of freedom (for a pagan anyway) to develop something that is powerful and meaningful to you. The principles of like speaking to like, of attraction and vibration, mean that something which is intensely relevant to me may have no meaning to you at all, and that’s OK.
My husband and I are weird nerds. We know this, and we’re perfectly comfortable with it. So comfortable in fact that we have a ritual, something that we do together, exactly the same way every time, such that it is now almost a sacred thing. Every time we do it, it’s a reaffirmation that we share something important, something powerful. Every time we do it, for those few moments, we are doing the exact same thing at the exact same time and we’re doing it with purpose… that’s powerful ju ju in anyone’s paradigm.
I’m going to share our ritual with you, not because I think you should be doing it too (though for some I’m sure it’d work just fine) but to show how simple these things can be while still being effective. Don’t worry, it’s not anything difficult or naughty (I know some of you were going there) and we routinely do it in front of other people and they don’t even know!
Two can’s of Dr Pepper (try not to lose it, but the kind with the corn syrup is just better. It’s a sometimes food, so I refuse to feel guilty about it.)
Someone gets the cans. There’s no rule about who gets the cans from the fridge, but they are always cans, and it’s usually done when the OTHER person is having a hard day (though not always.)
Procurer hands one can to recipient (don’t you love that language?)
Both participants look at each other with their fingers poised to open the cans. Cans are then opened in unison.
‘Cheers’ is then made with the cans. First sip is taken in unison. Usually at least one of us makes some sort of noise of happiness. Dr Pepper is freakin’ awesome.
The rest of the cans are drunk over the following hour or so, there’s no time limit, but during that time there is usually a lot of smiling, some hugging, some talking. A feeling of closeness and similarity. We’ve reminded each other that we’re together, that we’re the same in many ways, and that we bot want to put our energy into our lived together.
Why Dr Pepper? We’re in Australia and it’s a bit of a nerd culture thing here. Mostly only gamers and geeks seem to be into it. I have NO idea why that is, this stuff is amazing, but lots of other people don’t seem to like it, so it’s something we share that’s a little bit different.
The process of making the same actions, deliberately in tandem, is a powerful way of syncing two sets of energy and thought. It’s not complicated, it’s not fancy, but with two kids we don’t have a huge amount of time for complicated and fancy and we both know it. Fast and dirty and ‘whatever works’ – that’s the motto for a house like ours.
Normally it’s something we do when one or both of us is having a hard day. Dr Pepper isn’t readily available in stores, there are only a few places we can go to get it, so even the trip is a bit of a ritual. It means one of us is thinking about the other. Aware of the others mental state. Recognizing that the other one needs a little energy, a little something to build them up.
Do I really think my marriage works because of a couple of cans of soda a month?
Well, no, obviously it’s not just that. A marriage works because two people put in the effort, they love each other and they stick out the times that maybe aren’t so fun. There are always plenty of those.
Rituals can be powerful ways of moving energy around. Of syncing people and intentions (not unlike your computer and your phone) and all else being equal, of providing a space for us to remember who we are, what we’re doing, and why we’re doing it. That’s why our two little cans of soda every few weeks is such a powerful ritual for us. No candles, not incense, no chanting (though there’s always a time and place for those too!) Just focus and intention and of course love.